when i make the world collapse into me
it's a stupid selfish dumbass thing to do really.
but when you're caught in its vortex, for that moment it's hard to get out of.

yes, i'm a bitch today
i'm not proud of it, i wish i wasn't
in a lot of ways i'm sorry

but i don't think i'm ready yet
there's still something raging inside of me which i'm trying to pat down
to rationalize and understand
to control
be someone better than who i am right now.

give freely
meets the tension of showing grace
of not dehumanizing the other and not letting them have the chance to give

'give freely' meets mr imposition and ms. expectation, sees itself in the mirror and realizes that it was never purely a free gift.

i had a feeling that giving was one of the things i had to wrestle with and learn this year.
no expectations. no further control. let go. let it be.
give freely.