From my roomie's blog

"I will buy tissue paper from the uncles and aunties in the hawker centers, because I can."

i don't know.

i'm still conflicted on the issue of giving.

i know giving should be done according to what someone needs and not what we think they're worth.
i know it's not my money but God's money at the end of the day.
i know, at the end of the day, it's all speculation on my part, that i will never really know, and maybe it's not meant for me to know.

but maybe that last point kills me. i'm always going to question whether a gift was really helpful to the other person, or if it was just feeding a bad habit.

this morning, on the bus to work, an old woman sat down, next to me. from the corner of my eye, i could see her folding her two-dollar note and tucking some loose change into her pocket.
she turns to me, sizes me up, smiles and engages me in conversation.
only to ask me for money later.

i think i was foolish to give her the two dollars. i know it's only two dollars. that's what i told myself when i alighted the bus. but why did i give when i didn't believe she was in need?

she's not filthy rich, maybe yes, she repeats this little sequence for other passengers. maybe she does that to feed her family, who knows?

but it still gnaws at me, the idea that giving money may feed habits and not lead to a better channel to get income (and yes, 'better' here would be my imposition of what i think is 'better' and not a real true possibly helpful medium)
that the fast direct convenient method of getting income may not be helpful at all.

i don't know.

sometimes, it could also just be me. wanting to give but only through the channels and the ways that i want to give in.

dear God, give me wisdom. give me love.