frail

Convinced of my deception
i've always been the fool

i know and can still clearly see my own awkwardness, my need to impress and be accepted.
things that i know i will struggle with perhaps for some time.
not because i don't believe in myself, or love myself
but because i am human.
and i, like every other individual, have my own insecurities, layers upons layers of them
only they're slowly being flayed away.
although, sometimes, i add on new ones

i fear this love reaction
just like you said i would

i'm trying to find me but i fear the easy slippery sl0pe of insular living and self-absorption.
i'm trying to live, yet my faults are clear to me, bright harsh light reflected on this cool surface plane.

If I was not so weak If I was not so cold If I was not so scared of being broken Growing old

i will never ever be perfect,
nonetheless
everyday i deceive myself that i need to be.

i would be..

i regret, and regret

yet

while wincing at all these recollections of my past
i hope, i love, i walk freely, i laugh

You've given me peace

Amen

Your pain becomes my peace

(jars of clay---frail)