where is home

and something to live for


it's a typical wet sunday evening in vancouver, an almost ho-hum yawn to the end of spring break. even at this last few vestiges of freedom, i still find myself tired, weary, bored and apathetic.

apathy.

i think that's the word to describe my current status right now. i drift through my days with little connections, little care, and little passion. i'm in an honest slump right now. i haven't talked to God in a long time, other than to ask Him not to let me fall off a 300 foot cliff face in kelowna. i enjoy the company i keep, but am not going out of my way to make new connections or invest heavily in others. i perform perfunctory work for my studies, enough to get it over and done with, and remain disinterested and unchallenged by the subject material before me. even the struggles with the thesis have wittled down to tedium.

and through all this, i know, head knowledge-wise, textbook-answer perfect, that i have to do something about this and get out of this rut. make the effort.

a huge wall of inertia faces me though and in all, i feel like solomon walking around declaiming that everything is meaningless meaningless.

in short, i want to live.
whatever that means.