its still the same old story

reading charlie kaufman's transcript got me into an introspective mood. i felt like he addressed my secret self and brought to surface the insecurities, the selfishness and myopic world view i possessed.

so here's the same old story, the same fight i've been fighting. but i grow old and forget and hence i'm prone to repeating:

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i want to share this world with you
whatever it may be
i don't know if you want to walk with me
or if this would suffocate you
but i want to tell it to you

you see i want to be a better person
i have always figured i needed to promote something of myself
to be liked
i craved intellectual power
for that was a battle i thought i could have some hold over
since it was so easy to spin rhetoric and weave webs
get people tangled up in words and distract them from meaning
true substance

but you have pushed me to be bare
be honest
thank you

i think there's alot i don't like about myself
and that i could be better in so many ways
its not about negative self-image or an inferiority complex
but its because when one is honest with oneself,
we see all our failings and flaws
and we know in truth how honestly we do not measure up

always falling short of what we want to be
of who we could be
why could i not be more generous, more compassionate,
kinder
put the you before the me
the things that matter in life, the bigger picture

instead i have chased after worldly dreams
scoffed at love and the simplicities of life
when what matters is this: kindness
love


if you see me exposed, you'll see what i see
an incomplete
a person who has always excelled at mediocrity
who has never pushed hard enough or far

but its not who i am that matters but what i do
live honestly, truthfully
with the purpose of giving light to someone else
how could i aim for something else so ambitious like bettering the world

but if today, i can make it a little brighter for you
then God in heaven, please help me.
to shine for someone else, to hold their hands and give them joy