i've been bumming alot the last month in singapore. i've met up with a few people, went for a fantastic lunch with my new neighbour and his mom(thank you JB! and thank you auntie ping!), played some tennis, laughed over coffee with people i've always enjoy meeting up over and over again, watched korean dramas with my mom and made sadistic comments about how one of the characters was going to suffer from cancer again , and tried to convince a 3 year old that swimming pool water is not scary.

it's been good, yet for some funny reason, there have been moments where i've felt highly disengaged and dissatisfied. sometimes i leave with a sense that i don't really fit some moulds.

i've also taken to reading lately (the joys of free time) and two quotes have left an imprint on me. one strikes at my insecurity and the other brings out the pro-marxist in me.


From 'The Ghost Road' by Pat Barker
"Hallet came from an old army family and been well and expensively educated to think as little as possible"

i've always seen myself as doing well enough within the system. i've been blessed enough to attend the right schools and everything but seriously, i question if i actually think outside the framework given to me. i can give you the answer you've taught me but can i find an answer myself?

where's the imagination?
('course all this also leads to alot of navel gazing which doesn't really help much anyway)

From 'The Grapes of Wrath' by John Steinbeck
"For nitrates are not the land, nor phosphates; and the length of fiber in the cotton is not the land. Carbon is not a man, nor salt nor water nor calcium. He is all these, but he is much more; and the land is much more than its analysis. The man who is more than his chemistry... ... ...man who is more than elements knows the land is more than its analysis."

this just brings me to my love-hate relationship with economics. i rile up at the idea of economics today trying to quantify the entire world, breaking things down into mathematical formulae and coming up with models that would basically allow the whole world to run smoothly, should things go according to plan and assumption.
please lah, things don't always go according to plan. self interest is blind and sometimes purposely blind to alot of things.

but i love economics because it's so human as well. it sees something out there, its hand itches (not the invisible one) and it tries to break things down into simple mathematical terms to solve the problem. it's human because it sees a problem, a query, a trend and it wants to be able to control it, to make things right. but we can't see things from god-height, but we're bloody going to try, find an answer, fix things and place the world under our control.

it's world domination of another kind.

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i'm going away for the next two weeks to cambodia and vietnam. i'm trying the whole self-planned, budget-on-a-shoestring, backpacking kind of trip. i'm probably going to get slapped in the face by the chaotic crazy streets over there but i am psyched about the anticipated experience.

that said, this post must have also been in anticipation for the lack of internet access (at least less of) that i will have over the next few days, so i guess that's why i decided to unceremoniously spew the scattered thoughts in my head now.

be seeing you guys. ciao