"The problem with specialization is that it makes you into a specialist. It cuts you off, not only from everything else in the world, but also from everything else in yourself. "

- What Are You Going to Do With That? (a timely read indeed)

While waiting, writing, whining and watching for the final evaluation that determines a significant step in my journey through life, i've had the time to read and reflect.

in the time spent in the in-between, I've had to ask myself again what is it that i want, and if the price is something i wish to pay for.

i guess when the going is smooth, its easier to ride along, but when the possibility of a dead end becomes increasingly more probable, i've had to ask myself if i can really do it, and if i want to do it.

I am not sure if i am much "larger than i can imagine" as the article suggests, or whether I can pursue any dream i so desire. I've always felt that there's a danger in imagining that you're special, because it inflates one's ego and makes one presumptuous or to borrow a term from the article : "self-indulgent" . I prefer to agree with Tyler Durden and yell "You are not a beautiful snowflake!!" while all the while striving to prove to myself that I can make some small difference and become of worth.

But the one thing that I do agree in the article and that I've learnt in walking this path is this

"All you can decide is what you think now, and you need to be prepared to keep making revisions. "

To say I do not regret would be false, but to say that I never wished to have treaded down this path would be a lie as well. This to me is living. The failures, the victories, the disappointment and the hope. And the ability to get up again and make a revision, or thousands of revisions.

Perhaps tomorrow would be drastically different and i might have to wake up under a different sky. I do not know. I do have fears of life just not working out and of burning away into insignificance. yet how useless are these fears, they do no one good.

when the time comes, i will act. and one day, if i can, i'll make the stars sing for me.

in the mean time. good night world. see you in the morn.